Brainstorming re the plausibility of performing a CD launch 4 "Loose Ends" preggers:

PROS:

Get it done 2 fully concentrate on motherhood in 2009

Give me a project 2 get my mind off the perils of pregnancy

Can take leave from dayjob 2 plan, practise, prepare

With the CD now available, will a later launch pack as much punch?

If not now, when?

CONS:

Will B substantially pregnant ie 3rd trimester by the time it is organised

Stress of organisation & performing pregnant

Would enjoy the launch more not pregnant:

eg concern about growing baby would limit my ability 2 "throw" myself completely in2 the show

eg no celebratory/nerve settling drinx pre/post show

Not enough time 2 do make it a salubrious event eg notifying industry/media, a suitable venue, an attractive stage setup, catering

Extra curricular energies would B better focused on baby preparations

The most important thing in my life is a healthy pregnancy & a healthy baby in January.  Anything compromising this is not worth attempting 4 the sake of tying up "Loose Ends".

Dont get me wrong - I love that we R expecting.  But I have found pregnancy stressful.  There R so many things 2 worry about, & the main 1 doing my head in is the threat of listeria.  Pregnant woman R less resistant 2 this admittedly rare type of food poisoning, a bacteria which grows on fresh fruit & veges, unpastuerized dairy products & other "ready 2 eat" goodies.  It doesnt make U very ill, but is very dangerous 4 your developing baby, & the really insidious thing about this nasty is that it can take several weeks 2 develop after eating contaminated food, so if U R concerned about something U have eaten U just have 2 wait & C.  Avoiding high risk foods is easy, soft cheeses can B given up 4 the interim like booze.  But the thing that really gets me is the fruit & salad bit - I love both 4 taste & nutrition, but caution must B exercised.     

"They" say home prepared washed salad is safe, but avoid "pre-prepared" salad eg salad bars.  Does this mean salad on the side of your plate in a restaurant?  I have been in the good habit of ordering huge salads whenever I eat out 4 many years.  Now, @ a time when regular nutrition is so important, I can't help worrying everytime I put something in my mouth that is not boiling hot (cooking destroys listeria).  Don't get me wrong, I have been eating very well.  My body demands it.  But a side order of panic tends 2 accompany my meals.  With the warmer weather approaching I hope I can hold it 2gether re this salad crap.  

Over 1/2 way now, please send your good luck & loving vibes 2 me & my developing bub 4 the remainder of this "special time".

Dear God, I will never ever complain about anything ever ever ever again if we have a healthy & happy bubby in Jan!!!

The 2.4 of us (me, Adrian & 19 week foetus) made the mad dash 2 Sydney 4 the nite 2 attend "The Easys", my first songwriting awards ceremony.  I was on stage 3 times with fellow nominees & accepted 2 awards - I did not win the prestigious Rudy Brandsma award 4 songwriting excellence but IT WAS AN HONOUR 2 B NOMINATED :o) 

"Loose Ends" came 7th in the Country category and "Fire in my Mind" 9th in the Contemporary/Dance.   Fire In My Mind - not my usual genre so nice surprise 4 that song.  Loose Ends - 2 judges complimented me on a highly original entry worthy of 1st place & requested a copy of my CD.  So despite not being able 2 take advantage of the open bar & eat as I pleased from the delicious platters (baby baby I love U growing in me but ROLL ON JANUARY so U R out of my belly & in my arms) our journey was a worthwhile experience.

I have not blogged nor plugged my CD "Loose Ends" 4 6 months due 2 various health issues, & will elaborate on 2 of the physical impairments 2 my musical journey.  1 caused alarming circulatory disturbance down the left side of my body 4 several months.  I underwent a brain CT (2 rule out stroke/blood clotting), extensive neck and back x-rays, a neck CT and an MRI Brain (2 rule out MS) 2 confirm the only cause was a "cervical rib" - an extra bit of tissue sticking out of my neck bone impinging on a nerve.  Apparently a lucky 2% of us R born with this affliction.  There is no cure, however it is not life-threatening & certain good habits ie healthy sleeping position & posture can modify its bodily impact.

In May my producer Mark, my bass-playing friend Mario & I were preparing 4 a CD launch in July.  @ our second rehearsal I postponed the launch until August, & in July postponed it again indefinitely.  Why?  Now, 18 weeks in2 it, I will confirm my pregnancy online.  Juggling full-time work, morning sickness and the other stresses accompanying this blessing left no energy 4 extra-curricular pursuits.  However, I did enter songs from "Loose Ends" in the Australian Songwriting Association's competition this year, & am pleased 2 announce that 2 songs have reached the top 10 in the Country and Contemporary categories, & I have been nominated 4 an award in songwriting excellence.

I will B attending the awards ceremony in Sydney later this week - stay tuned 4 the results...        

2 qualify last week's entry , I have been disappointed over something planned & yearned 4 not eventuating.  In life U don't always get wot U want (or what U "think" U want), no matter how much U believe U will get it, or that it is your calling or even your fundamental right.  This expectation, continually dashed, has contributed strongly to the erosion of my well-being over the last several months.  It has also, ironically, prevented me from attainment ie I am trying 2 hard & the angst generated is sabotaging my goal.  I am familiar with this conundrum, having fought similar fronts in the past with men and singing. 

When did my love enter my life? - when I allowed space.  When did my voice come good? - when I let go.  A Buddist perspective is useful - attachment 2 outcomes is normal out West but ultimately unhealthy & often counterproductive. 

sawl bout da jerneee  

Learn, plan, work, do, BUT BALANCE with reflection, rest, inaction, & (2 bring a little folky wisdom in2 proceedings) not putting all your eggs in one basket, not counting your chickens B4 they hatch - hmm, that 1 is literally pertinent :o)...how bout COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS instead eg decent job, good home, top bloke, I can eat, drink & B merry, I can sing, I love, I am loved... 

            ... I have survived another year of life intact........Happy Bday 2 me upon the morrow

The past few months have been, well, stressful.  I have certainly had pressures/changes in various areas of life, however, they were intensified exponentially by my tendency to worry/panic/fret/stew/control etc.  In fact, no tradgedy has befallen me or mine, the threat of it only existing in my troubled mind (apart from the weather, we need 2 do something!!!), and someone with a less type A approach would've sailed through this time if not unscathed, way less scathed.  Yes I know - psychology 101, basic self awareness, common sense etc, but anxiety can carry U 2 the dark side & leave U floundering.

new years resolution = CHILL

Anywaze, I'm over the hectic time & "Loose Ends" is on the production line as I type.  Looking 4ward 2 bringing my music 2 the people this year  :o)

Due 2 a looming, significant & daunting dayjob commitment & an impending house move, I will B unable 2 website* or music* as usual 4 the rest of 2007.  Thankfully I recently scored a couple of unexpected home days during which I laboured 2 update aforesaid 2 my satisfaction.  Please enjoy the result & U will hear from me when the CD is done.

* verb

I was happily surprised by a recent blog by my UK-based mate - s'about me & stuff.  Belly gaffawing ensued when I read how she perceived me - 1 doesn't often ask others how they appear 2 them, & other's don't often voluntarily profer their perceptions, so when 1 gets the low-down on 1self thru the observer's eye (B they stranger, acquaintance, friend or soul mate) it can B fascinating & insightful 4 1!  Like most of us unfamous plebs, reading about myself is a novelty akin 2 being in a changeroom where wall 2 wall mirrors enable 1 2 check out angles of 1self unfamiliar 2 1(eg the back of 1) that others C every day.  But in that instance, 1 is still the "narrator" of 1self, whereas in Kelly's blog I am a character in her book, grinning like a cheshire cat with a minor but managable drinking issue :o)  thanx Kel 

http://melbournedreaming.blogspot.com/2007/08/in-which-i-stop-moaning-and-talk-about.html

Hmmm, just read the scariest possibility ever.  The emminent scientist Stephen Hawking reckons that rising temperatures may trigger an unstoppable ecological reaction that transforms Earth into another Venus - ie a hot, dead planet.  I had believed that global warming may wipe most of us out, but that once we were gone or sufficiently depleted Earth would eventually recover. 

Nice legacy human race - the mainstream daily current affairs shows should widen their definition of "tenants from hell" to include us all!  What a ratings grabber ;o)

I'm shy, I so dont want 2 B famous.  But I wanna get my music "out there", so people can have the opportunity 2 listen & possibly derive enjoyment from it.  There are many singers/writers/songs who light up my world, & I believe this is how I could best "contribute 2 society". 

I like my current office job.  & I am but 1 of an uncountable number of creatives who must settle in2 less self-fulfilling occupations 2 live well.  I'm not resentful.  Choosing 2 surrender the life of unrelenting soul-bearing, shabby gigs, paltry pay, insecurity, ill-health, unfulfilled promises, rejection etc in favour of regularity, stability, financial security etc made me a happier person full stop. Sure, the ocassional crumb of recognition was thrown, appreciative listeners were heartwarming, but they did not pay the rent.  I do not want 2 dedicate my life 2 "art" @ the expense of everything else.  No regrets. 

But I continue my quest behind the scenes, and still hope that my songs may one day prosper in the commercial realm.

BULA!!!  Have just enjoyed a marvellous tropical holiday despite my earlier disparagement of hot weather.  Postcard beaches, comfy hammocks, guilt-free afternoon cocktails & local beer, a sumptuous daily feast of fresh fruit, salads & seafood, activities confined 2 a bit of a snorkel, a bit of a walk, a blissful massage, a lot of reading, smiling & general lolling about.  But what is the good of all that unwinding when U have 2 return  via a long, cramped flight which completely winds U up again.  Body clock unsynched, backache from awkward sleeping positions, a suitcase full of dirty washing ..... BULA NOT!!!

After several months of procrastination I finally made the pilgrimage down main street west town 2 join my local library - am blissfully astounded by the new millenium service!

I last belonged 2 a library a decade ago in the inner-east, a hit & miss experience.  Classic/popular books were always checked out & several "holds" away.  The hold system was relatively archaic - if U were third in line U might get a scratchy answering-machine message on your home phone (remember home phones) three months hence telling U the book was finally up 4 grabs, by which stage U had either lost interest, or didn't listen 2 the message until the time 2 pick the ruddy thing up had expired. Back then, with no particular reading direction established (a backlash against the proscribed reading of my formal education daze)  I would leave the library armed with a mish mash of  dated biographies, self-help drivel & low-brow fiction, amongst them the odd gem but mostly just ok 2 mediocre reads.  I lost interest in the lack of quality choice & started buying books I really wanted 2 read when I began earning a decent income.  

Now, this library caper is all done online.  U login, search endless titles, create lists & click hold.  U R notified by email when the book is available, usually a day or 2 after your request.  Presently I'm back in2 the classics & am working through a list of those I missed out on in my "youth", but have also just acquired some recent bestsellers - all 4 FREE!!!

But don't tell anyone ok - the less people know about LIBRARIES the better 4 those members who want 2 maintain the silverspoon service :o)

I remember loving hot weather a few years ago.  Bright sunny days and balmy nites rocked, household chores were effortless when washing and floors dried in 10 minutes, being confined 2 an office 9-5 was unbearable during summer etc.  Now, I dont know whether its because I am afraid of global warming and drought, or that I spent my sun-worshipping years in a dark dampish house & since the move have had no biological imperative 2 top up my vitamin D the natural way @ any opportunity, but I am sure loving our "descent" into Winter.  Red wine-quaffing on chesterfields in dimly lit bars beats beer-guzzling on banana lounges bayside, no contest between salad vs steaming bowls of hearty soup or spag bol, jumper-wearing, overcast skies, bone-chilling breezes, RAIN PLEASE MORE RAIN BRING IT ON  is wot gets my juices flowing.  3 years ago a move 2 Queensland or WA was appetising.  Now, the south island of NZ looks good, or mayB Finland.

I am really happy 2 B performing again.  Years ago I was on stage regularly, either doing the lucrative but soul-destroying thing (wedding band singer) or the soul-baring/hard yakka/art is its own reward thing (lugging my very HEAVY electric piano around Melbourne 2 strut my original stuff).  There was a substantial hiatus 2 seek/sort/regroup.  Now found, sorted & regrouped, I've found a nice outlet 2 once again put my 2 cents in2 the muso stratosphere.  Once a month (a nice amount of performing 4 a dayjob girl), I get 2 Wax Lyrical at Hardimans or the Old Hepburn.  This time round I'm settled & confident, & with the important addition of my own personal roadie & groupie combined in2 one (very attractive) package, its gr8 2 B back!

(see gigz 4 dates)

I haven't written a song 4 3 years odd, which is how long my current, stable relationship has been going strong.  Recently, due 2 the rapup of the CD, I have revisited song ideas that have been churning in id since i last put down my quill, and my what a struggle its been!  I was never a prolific songwriter, averaging 1/2 a dozen or so songs a year @ my peak, but they used 2 come easy, often involuntarily (why I got in2 this caper).  Now, my quest 4 fresh material is relatively forced.  Which led me 2 the question, does my domestic bliss equal creative meltdown?  In short, NO!  It's TIME!!  Lack thereof.  The words R a-flowing when they get a chance (long weekends R helpful).  In the good old miserable days I had enforced daily rumination.  Now, with full time work & a relationship 2 nourish there is little energy 4 quality introspection.  Thankfully my natural motivator, GUILT, has intervened and ensured the production line is now operational, & 1 shiny newy dropped off the conveyer belt yesterday. 

I am rewarding myself with this procrastinating blog.  

I like 2 keep stuff.  Everything I own holds sentimental value, from the plaster of paris mould of my 12 year old face decorated in Year 7 art class to movie ticket stubs circa mid 90s, from the oldest rattiest soft toy of my babyhood 2 the most unflattering poncho aunty Beryl bestowed upon me (artistic license 2 emphasise point, i have no aunty beryl or poncho 4 that matter), from the ugly goblin, a gift from my sister, who still perches on my electric piano despite losing both his poorly made feet 2 the collection of vases & candle holders in various shades of red I have amassed through years of birthdays that I will never possess enough flowers & candles to fill, I cannot bare 2 part with the clutter in my life because it is physical proof of my history, a museum of my life under my roof. 

Take my record/CD collection (please take it mutters that man).  From my humble beginnings as a music consumer to now I proudly display a history of my tastes, from Wham! 2 Midnight Oil 2 Dixie Chicks & Kasey Chambers, from Kids in the Kitchen 2 Indigo Girls 2 Ben Folds & Bic Runga, from casette tapes 2 35" singles 2 yellow plastic LPs (Spandau Ballet's Gold), from the first of 200 odd CDs (possibly En Vogue's Funky Divas or was it Erasure's early 90s Abba tribute) 2 the most recent (Norah Jones's latest pleasing effort) this is Andrea Barnett in the making.  I cant handle Bryan Adams these days but in my teens I amassed all his albums & still get joy from his whipper-snipper efforts.  Cuts like a knife, but it feels so right....Yeah!

Imaginary Ponchos & 20+ years of middle-of-the-road music tastes aside (with a hint of left - Dave Graney, Ani DiFranco, The Waifs, Martha Wainwright etc), it's not all about the good times either.  Photographs R another biggy 4 me, & they are treasured as much when they R taken at unflattering angles, or when they relate 2 unhappy events or prompt ambivalent feelings.  They may not engender the warm fuzzies prompted by gazing at happy snapshots of that man & me, but I stubbornly display them as a true depiction of my story.  Likewise, gifts from suitors who left me luke warm or those I have fallen out with over time are still treasured as a sign of their impact on my life, and mine on theirs. 

In this throwaway, replaceable age, I celebrate the self-indulgent pleasures of horderdom.  Dust off your old stuff & let it shine!

Some people hate the yearly reminder that they R growing old.  I love my birthday.  1 day when the niceness and kindness in my family, friends, colleagues etc is truly on display 4 me!  U get coffee in bed.  U can get 2 work late & take a long lunch.  U can take personal calls all day.  & U can drink B4 5pm guilt-free.  Giftwise, U get what U want (unlike Christmas when everyone is stressed by the shopping/family gathering issues & presents R often bought in haste and sitting in a charity bin by noon Boxing Day).  People ask what U might like 4 your birthday, or they know U have wanted something 4 a while, get it 6 months before the big day & hide it till your special morning.  Living is also an achievement in itself in this tough world, so congratulations R in order 4 reaching the next chronological marker.  Happy Birthday everybody :o)