1996

09 MY LITTLE JAIL  I prefer the world without my glasses on.  The edges aren't so harsh I can deal with the blur.  When I have to face reality cold & clear the sharpness cuts to easily I'm hurting & scared.  I ask myself so many times why do I feel so weak.  While others seem to glide through time I stagnate I creep.  I know I should get out & win but what happens when I fail.  So I remain inside my little jail, my little jail.  Please please leave me be society.  I don't wanna come out & play, maybe tomorrow not today.  Please please respect my privacy.  The safety's worth the loneliness inside my little jail, my little jail.  It's hard to keep my footsteps light when I feel immobilized with heavy limbs & heavy heart someone must empathize.  Where do you find the motivation & the nerve to live as I think I should  to serve the purpose we're all here for, to give to love to grow.  Isn't that what we're supposed to do I'm waiting for God to tell me so. The only thing I'm sure of is we're guaranteed a maze And so I take my glasses of and languish in the haze

1997

10 IF U WERE MINE If you were mine then maybe I'd believe there was a God A God who granted me my one desire.  If you were mine I'd make an oath to beforever kind.  To share my joy with all I'd be consigned if you were mine.  If you were mine my inner sun would always shine.  If you were mine I'd love you for the rest of my life.  If you were here I'd treasure everysingle day we shared.  I'd never waste a moment on my fears ifyou were here with me.  And if I was there with you I'd showeryou with kisses sweet and true I'd gaze into your eyes the whole nightthrough and I'd smile all the time.  If you were mine I'd never curse, I'd never cry unless we had to part and then my heart would wither and die.  If you were mine Oh God I'm praying now's the time.  Please hear my soul all night it cries I need you by my side.

11 LADY GAY  Have U seen a woman small & pale in a melancholy haze?  Did she hesitate & smile @ U with a pleasing blue green gaze?  Did U long 2 share your tale of woe & stay with her a while, if U did U met the angel Lady Gay, she'll give U her time.  Oh Lady Gay she'll give you time she'll soothe your mind, She'll listen and she'll empathise she'll make it all seem fine, You'll leave her knowing someone cares You'll leave her and you'll shine But you'll never leave her long becausethe Lady's one of a kind.  Have you seen her tip-toeing like thepavement was on fire.  Was her well-groomed cloak and wiseword spoke belied by misfit eyes.  Did you long to stroke her pretty hair and protect her from the night If you did you found my angel Lady Gay- she'll save your life.  Oh Lady Gay she'll save you in your time of strife.  She'll love you like no other loyal sister doting wife.  You'll leave her with a halo beaming 4 you day and night But you'll return to learn because the Lady's one of a kind

12 WHO INVITED GUILT 2 STAY?  1 mistake is 1 2 many, want control but stuff gets in the way, who invited guilt 2 stay?  Such a huge discrepancy between wot I set out 2 do each day & wot I end up doing & its not ok coz I know what I'm supposed 2 do but I just cant relax & let it go, no its not ok just 2 let it go coz when I'm down my sin envelopes me & when I feel like this I almost yearn 4 the comfort of death's kiss.  1 mistake is  1 2 many, listen 2 my only real enemy inside of me, his whisper roars & saps my energy & I know when I've done wrong I'll pay dearly with a big chunk of my sanity, and I know what i'm supposed 2 do but I just cant relax & let it go, no its not ok just 2 let it go coz when I'm down my sing envelops me & when I feel like this I almost yearn 4 the comfort of death's kiss........

1998

13 HEROINE  

14 JUST LIKE RHETT BUTLER 

15 WHEN I LIVED ALONE  When I lived alone when I lived alone when I lived alone when I lived alone my rules began 2 bend I slept all afternoon & had T & toast @ 3am.  I took & gave up smoking meditation & violin I went from wine 2 beer 2 lemon cordial & gin.  When I lived alone I 8 dinner in the buff I shaved my pubic hair & it grew back thick & tuff.  I cut my fringe diagonal & tried 2 peirce my belly I bathed my feet in soya milk & set my face in jelly couldnt breathe.  When I lived alone I called my cactus Bert, I checked the phone @ 10 min intervals 2 C that it still worked.  I learned 2 speak gay-talk from the men who lived above & I liked 2 listen in the dark as they made love.  Its true I wouldnt lie.  When I lived alone a spider was my friend, I told her all my secrets till she met a grizzly end.  As we shared a shower she was lost down the abyss.  When I lived alone I wrote weird songs like this....

16 TINY BLUE FLAME  Last nite I couldnt sleep so I decided 2 write but enjoying the peace that darkness brings I didnt wanna switch on the lite so I rustled my way thru the grocery bags 2 the back of the bottom drawer till my fingernails grazed the wax of a candle an old flame gave me years B4.  I put that candle on the windowsill & blu the dust away & in the moonlite I saw the wick was thin & frayed so I took it in my fingertips gave it a dose of TLC till I knew that it was ready 2 do its job till I knew it would burn burn 4 me.  I cupped my hands around the warmth & felt content 2 B & in the window pane my glowing face smiled back @ me well whodve thought love could B found in such simplicity that tiny blue flame lit my world it burned it burned it burned it burned it burned burned 4 me.  There was no sound or time I didnt even need 2 breathe there was only the candle lited & the peace it shone upon inside of me & I was 1 with everyone & they were 1 with me & everything was beautiful so beautiful so beautiful & I knew I was free free ...

1999

17 STAY  Please dont look away like that please dont turn your back take my hand stay with me.  Its been bad thats understood but from now on I promise I'll make it good take my hand stay with me.  U & I we're not done yet look back on us remember wot U said the 1st nite we shared.  U said please dont turn away pretty girl please never ever leave my world take my hand stay with me...

18 DEAR STEVE  Dear steve I had 2 write coz U've gone away with your girlfriend & thats ok but U didnt say goodbye & I consider myself a close friend the kind of friend u should always call if U've gone away with your girlfriend thats all.  Hey steve I'd better add Im not trying 2 send U on a guilt trip your not obliged U have your life but if I told U when your gone I miss U if U knew that I'm sure U'd call so next time remember that I'll miss U thats all.  Hey steven just 1 more thing please dont think 4 a moment I got motives we're just good friends U & I the kind of friends no girlfriend would ever compete with.  Why her not me why her not me when I look @ U & I C me & if U looked @ me rite U'd C just where U need 2 B soulmates indeed pure harmony our own symphony all nite I bleed all nite I bleed all nite I bleed.  Hey Steve yeah its been a while well I swear I wrote 2 U weeks ago just that I 4got 2 post it well anyway i just heard yesterday so let me shake your hand U married man & I'll B on my way no I cant stay mayB I'll c U round some day...

19 THAT N THIS

20 B WHO I WANNA B  I had the nouse & the gold mane I had an appetite 4 fame.  I had the dream I had the plan they shook their heads I said I can.  I did the work I paid the price my middle name was sacrafice, never thought that I could fail... "Express Yourself" pop not my genre

21 NEED U NEAR